5 Golden Rules of being a GONGSHOW Hockey Boy….
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Posted by MAC@GSH
#5 Don’t wear socks with sandals; this is just plain wrong and you fucken know it. This is a pure blow up for yourself with any ladies, and a Billy Guerin-tee you blow up the boys too – a selfish suicide bomber move on any Canadian patio with the lads. If you do this, you are NOT a GONGSHOW HOCKEY boy. www.gongshowhockey.com
#4 If you suck at hockey don’t grow hockey hair – only true beauties who can play the game are entitled to grow the sacred flow (see Ryan Smyth, Oilers). You see a hockey players flow is an important aspect of our image; something we take pride in and we spent a lot of time and effort on. That’s right, battling through the tough stages of when your hair wasn’t short but wasn’t long either; battling through the hat only stage where you couldn’t grease up the flow –it’s a helluva process when it comes down to getting it done. So, if you’re a duster don’t grow it – keep it short and tight like your knob. If you do choose to grow it and you’re a plug, you are NOT a GONGSHOW HOCKEY boy. www.gongshowhockey.com
#3.......(CONTINUED BELOW)
#3 Don’t chirp on the ice when you’re wearing a cage or full windshield. It’s obvious to everyone on the ice that you’re a pussy and you should know by now that you have as much respect around the league as a 18 year old prisoner the morning after his first night in jail. If you’re going to wear a cage, it better be because your jaws broken or you have an eye injury. If its not; you better keep your mouth shut and you stick down. This is hockey, be a man play the game the Canadian way. If you do rock a fully or windshield, you are NOT a GONGSHOW HOCKEY boy. www.gongshowhockey.com
#2 Don’t chirp to broads in a foreign town that you play in the OHL, WHL, Junior A, AHL, NHL etc. when clearly you fucken don’t. Although this may seem like a great play at the time when you’re trying to impress some ladies; it most surely is not. You see, every town and every bar has a few true hockey lads waiting to blow up plugs like you with the ladies so we can swoop in like the true beauties/heroes that we are. Tell them you’re a rock star, a soccer play – just not a pro hockey player. It’s insulting to a true hockey boy and we will toss a grenade in your fox hole every time. If you do choose to rock this bullshit story, you are NOT a GONGSHOW HOCKEY boy. www.gongshowhockey.com
#1 No matter what level of hockey you play – be it the NHL or plugging around on the outdoor rink being an ankle bender; never and I mean never wear any hockey jersey with the #99 on it (unless it’s actually one of Gretz’s jersey’s). Not only is it sac—religious in Canada, it’s sure to get you chirped by the other team and in my perfect world – a few loosened gibbers. Bottom line, 99 is not for you, there are tonnes of other numbers out there – pick one. If you do choose to rock old #99, you are NOT a GONGSHOW HOCKEY boy. www.gongshowhockey.com
There it is boys, another original rant from Macker. I wanna see how long it takes for this to be emailed back to me after it’s been passed around to the hockey boys around the world. So copy paste this beauty, and send her to all the hockey boys you know. Let’s see how tight the hockey community really is.... www.gongshowhockey.com