Falcon Twist
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Posted by Kerrzy
GSH Editorial
 | If you want to see some good pictures of Canada’s beauty defeat over the USA Tuesday night, wait until the next time People Magazine throws together their best/worst dressed of the year, although they’ll have some stiff competition with Mugatu and his Derelicht campaign looking to be favorites to take home the coveted Human Excrement Award of Fashion Greatness, or the “HEAOFG†this year. |
Go ahead, say it out loud. If it sounds like someone throwing up that’s because I’m trying to say that Wayne shouldn’t have let Janet decide what jerseys to go with. Who saw that one coming? I practically stopped drinking Pepsi just so that I wouldn’t have to look at that ugly 1920 Winnipeg Falcons “retro†jersey. Their eye-harassing jerseys are probably the reason that they’re not still around like the Red Wings (who were once the Detroit Falcons) or any of the Original Six. In all fairness to those jerseys though, they were probably knitted up in the era before good taste was introduced into the province of Manitoba.
Great opening to the tournament for Canada though, that was a huge game against the States and a convincing win over the Slovaks. It’s always nice to beat the Americans, regardless of what we wear when we do it, and it was nice to beat the Slovaks and look good while doing it.
Jeremy Roenick said the other day that to get involved in gambling and paying for gambling tips“ was dumbâ€. Here’s one bet I’m sure he can win by himself. I bet it hurts like hell taking a shot in the face from a member of your own team. Then again I’m sure there’s a few people he could ask. If I was him I’d ask Mike Comrie to toss Tommy Salo’s ex-wife’s MSN over my way, I’m sure she could shed some light on the matter.
I’ll bet Modano’s feeling the burn right now too. I’m sure that one left a mark. Slap shot’s that deflect off of your spine normally do. Probably with his shirt off he looks like the Dallas chapter of G-UNIT right about now. Word.
Modano’s out of the tournament. So too is the Canadian defenseman affectionately known by all as Jovo-cop, Ed Jovanovski, who has what appears to be a first degree sprain of the MCL and a fractured rib. That surprised me, I thought for sure it was a concussion because I was watching it on TV and when he stood up I was sure he puked all over his Team Canada jersey. Oh well, how much fun would it be if I was right ALL the time? Actually, I could sell tips to J.R. and make a killing.
…Not a killing like the way Dallas Stars prospect Trevor Daley or Atlanta Thrashers property Luke Sellars might use it, as in uttering death threats to bouncers outside of Toronto nightclubs. These guys are smart though, I mean everyone knows death threats are the easiest way to get from the minors up to the show.
Everyone is going crazy about Lemieux “dropping the gloves†during the game too. If you read the article that was up earlier about a meeting with Lemieux, you wouldn’t be as surprised. Mario is a big boy, he’ll mess you up. I wouldn’t fight him, and the Kerrzy Monster can throw it down. I’d tell you to ask someone I’ve fought, but anyone I’ve fought couldn’t talk afterwards.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never fight the Kerrzy Monster and…Oh good they already took my advice.